In “The Five Invitations” by Frank Ostaseski he writes, of the “3 poisons” described in Buddhist tradition. They are greed, hatred, and delusion. Or, said another way, demand, defense, and distract. We crave, we get angry and feel separate from others, and we ignore what we really need to see.
As we are mindful and sit in reflection of ourselves we can see how and when we are drawn to demand, defense, and distract. But this is what I love about living mindfully – there are no unrecoverable mistakes. Frank says, “The missteps we make as we demand, defend, and distract are also gateways to the innate beauty of our inner being”. When we stop rejecting ourselves and are open to all of the ways we react in the world and to others, we can even be grateful for our mistakes and limitations. They are as much a part of us as are our strengths. And we learn so much from our mistakes. When we can be with them, they deepen our compassion and empathy for ourselves and then for others and the world. May you move forward with mindfulness and acceptance today!
This past year has been so very difficult on so many in our community, country, and world. And there is little control we have. This takes a toll on us. One thing we can return to over and over again is self care. The short series “headspace Guide to Meditation” on Netflix is a wonderful resource for self care. It is calming, centering, simple, and inviting.
Either way, I hope you are finding meaningful ways to care for yourself daily.
(P.s. I have no financial interest in this recommendation.)
I just wanted to reach out and remind each person who reads this that we are all in this life and world together. You are not alone. I am not alone. We may feel more removed or distant from one another right now, but we are inextricably woven together and our lives matter to each other. We can hold each other’s discomfort and pain gently. We can find care and compassion in ourselves for one another. We have no physical guarantees, no timelines, no certainties right now of how life will continue to unfold. We can; however, remind and reassure each other that it is certain that we matter to each other. If you benefit and do well, then I feel a sense benefit and wellness. If you suffer, then I suffer with you. You are all my fellow travelers in life and I wish each and every one of you peace, comfort, and certainty that you are not alone. Know that you are held in high regard and that I want for you the highest possible well-being. With love, Jennifer
I read the following words from The Parents Tao Te Ching by William Martin this morning and they moved me:
Our bodies produce the bodies of our children. Our noisy minds produce the fears of our children. But the Tao produces the spirit of our children. Still the body. Quiet the mind. Discover the spirit.
How often we need to be reminded of that in this modern life. We have constant streams of input, even when we aren’t seeking them out or asking for them. We have constant competitions for our attention and for our dollars. And pursuing those things often leaves us no more satisfied than before the pursuit.
However, being still and relaxed enough to enjoy a gorgeous sunrise or sunset or a giant hug from a loved one or a beautifully written word or photo is satisfying. My encouragement to you today is set a timer, take a deep breath, close your eyes, and focus on one, single pleasant word for two minutes. As the mind wanders, just bring it back to that word. Keep breathing. Take another deep breath to close the practice. And enjoy your day!
In “The Five Invitations” Frank Ostaseski writes, “In the end, the only way through suffering is for us to allow what is happening, welcoming the experience and introducing awareness and compassion where denial was prominent”. Nobody is going to do this well all of the time, but as a practice it helps us to move through troubles rather than getting stuck in the yuck.
In “Daily Affirmations For Adult Children of Alcoholics” Rokelle Lerner writes “Life is not a test where we are constantly graded for performance”. What do you think – is that easy to believe or hard to believe? For those who grew up in a home where performance was a mark of significance or a sign that you mattered, this may be a hard pill to swallow. I wonder what then would replace performance? If I am not being graded at performance, on what am I being graded? Am I being graded at all? How do I know how I am doing? Whew! On and on we go. We can tell what life is about because when we find it, it creates a gentle, inner serenity. It creates pleasure. It invites ability to get along with others and in the world. It creates a peace within us. When we find what life is about, others look at us and say “it’s great to be with you”. We find enjoyment. It’s not that we don’t have to work hard. It’s not that we don’t suffer. There are places that continue to be difficult. But we find softness. We find help and connection. I hope today you begin or continue to find what life is about.
When I talk about empathy and compassion, I often get asked to explain them.A practical definition of empathy is when somebody tells you how they are feeling and you say, “well, of course you feel that way!”.Empathy is the thought part of understanding the context of someone’s background or their point of view.You can imagine the place they are coming from that leads them to the experience they are having.Compassion is when you feel a mix of love and hurt or pain or another feeling toward that person as they are telling their story. Empathy says, “yes I can understand how you feel” and compassion says, “I also feel for you”. Empathy and compassion don’t require agreement with the person.You neither have to agree with their point of view, nor say they are right in feeling that way.You only need to allow your mind a short time to imagine their experience. Using your imagination allows you to practice empathy and compassion for almost anyone at almost any time.The benefit of this practice is that receiving empathy and compassion makes us more caring people.Do you want less crime, less road rage, less theft, less abuse?Treat each person like a human, practice empathy and compassion, and do your part to contribute to a better environment for all of us.
We can be so quick to say “I” when taking credit for something – “Look at what I _________”(fill in the blank).But none of us has ever accomplished anything without some form of care, support, encouragement, influence, opportunity, or feedback to get where we are.Each of us was, at one point, fed, clothed, and kept safe.Each of us has had someone help us along the way.Each of us has had some advantage we were born with.While we have had traumas and setbacks as well, those don’t negate the means by which we have arrived where we are.And others are a part of our journey.Today,we will be grateful for and acknowledge how the universe has used others to help us accomplish what we have today.Today we will say, “By the grace of love and with others’ help, I have ________”.Pride and humility are siblings that keep us balanced best when they are holding hands.