There are probably times when saying “goodbye” feels like an easy thing, but there are many times when it feels very difficult. We get used to having someone there. We get used to their mannerisms, their laughs, their fears, and the way they move through life. They become comfortable and familiar. We make a place in our heart and mind for them. And when we say “goodbye”, what do we do with that place? Do we leave it empty, try to fill it with something else, or try to pretend it doesn’t exist? Or perhaps we could find a way to keep it full with our memories with them. Perhaps we could reminisce about the times we danced together, laughed together, told jokes together, and cried together. We can think about how they came into our lives at a time when we really needed them to be who they were for us. Perhaps we could find new ways to connect with them – a text, a prayer, or an e-mail. It won’t be the same, but those things can help. We can also choose to send them, with a full heart, knowing that other people – new people, will come to need them in the same way that we have needed them. Today, I will learn to say “goodbye” in a way that holds their memory and their place in my heart, while also letting go in a way that frees others to receive them.
I hope you are having a rich and satisfying day. I just posted a guided meditation to the “other resources” page. Please feel free to listen and, perhaps, to enjoy. May you be enriched.
Every moment is an opportunity. We don’t choose how we feel about something. But we can choose how we respond to how we feel. First, it is a good idea to notice and name how we feel. Is it anger, shame, pain, guilt, fear? Next it helps to breathe into and accept how we feel. After that we can journal, call a friend, punch the bed, go for a walk, pray, or any other non harmful action that helps us experience that feeling as fluid and fleeting rather than stuck and consuming. Then we can take note if we have been able to let a little bit of the feeling go. Have we been able to come to some peace? If we are still activated, then we can go through the process again. Why? Because every moment is an opportunity to make peace with life instead of fighting life. To make peace within ourselves and with others. To deepen within ourselves and move more fully into love and compassion. Those are the things that make our relationships rich and deep, and our lives more satisfying. Those are the things that make life worth living. Today, I will notice whether I can experience difficult emotions as opportunities to connect with myself and others and I will notice that I can have some influence over how I respond to my feelings.
The Importance of Rejection
One of the most painful experiences is the sting of rejection. It can start the wheels spinning – “Am I good enough? Is there something wrong with me? Have I done something wrong? Am I worthless?” Those questions are important ones for us to recognize and face. When they come, it would be good if we could welcome them as opportunities to re-attest to our value and worth. Value and worth is something we are born with, but can forget that we have. Sometimes we imagine them as something we earn, or as flexible points depending on how we have performed. And then, when we are questioning ourselves, we might get that spinning head, short breath, difficulty concentrating feeling. And then… we can become aware that this is an opportunity to practice calming, comforting, and reassuring ourselves. This is an opportunity to practice knowing who we are with an unwillingness to turn on or abandon ourselves. This is also an opportunity to engage in a human experience that we can draw from when connecting with others. Everyone has had the experience of feeling rejected. What makes the difference is the ability create connection with self or another out of that “negative” event. Today, when I notice rejection, I will use it as an opportunity to reach for connection with myself or another.